Kabloopcat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, dishonest dolphin.

Kabloopcat created the planet Saturn eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kabloopcat, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kabloopcat, he will send you a sign.

Kabloopcat's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Kabloopcat's Holy Commandments

1. Learn seven new languages a year.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never sprint near mice.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate moths.

5. Never talk about fire.