Bumteenquag is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, unthinking seal.

Bumteenquag created carbon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bumteenquag, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Bumteenquag, she will turn you into a sheep.

Bumteenquag's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Bumteenquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about asteroids.

2. Never think ill of sick voles.

3. Never mention manatees.

4. Always obey Bumteenquag's priests.

5. Always help horses.