Bopcamhak is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, sapient turtle.

Bopcamhak created humanity nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bopcamhak, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Bopcamhak, he will send minions to preach to you.

Bopcamhak's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Bopcamhak's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in holy places.

2. Never talk about special relativity near moths while wearing white corsets and balancing four silver spheres on your face.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Never think about spacetime near whales while wearing violet shorts and balancing three titanium spheres on your back.