Japtinxem is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, two-faced ferret.

Japtinxem created the planet Jupiter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Japtinxem, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Japtinxem, she will come to you in dreams.

Japtinxem's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Japtinxem's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Japtinxem.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.