Xucdussquim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unthinking guinea pig.

Xucdussquim created tapeworms nine million years ago.

If you believe in Xucdussquim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Xucdussquim, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Xucdussquim's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Xucdussquim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never write about asteroids.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Never think ill of sick capybaras.