Hitjatpang is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, smart wyrm.

Hitjatpang created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hitjatpang, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hitjatpang, he will cry a lot.

Hitjatpang's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Hitjatpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dolphins.

2. Run away if nine rats approach from the south.

3. Never go into purple rooms.

4. Never wear black dresses.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.