Stragsawgem Bif is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, benevolent lion.

Stragsawgem Bif created an up quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Stragsawgem Bif, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Stragsawgem Bif, she will boil you in a big pot.

Stragsawgem Bif's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Stragsawgem Bif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt ants.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always look after injured seals.

4. Never talk about quantum mechanics near tapirs while wearing red shirts and balancing five nickel spheres on your legs.

5. Learn six new languages a year.