Fudjarnkem is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, generous hamster.

Fudjarnkem created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fudjarnkem, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fudjarnkem, he will turn you into a tree.

Fudjarnkem's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Fudjarnkem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Run away if three rats approach from the east.

5. Never talk about whales.