Monyattcip is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, self-confident snake.

Monyattcip created humanity eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monyattcip, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Monyattcip, she will turn you into a worm.

Monyattcip's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Monyattcip's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Monyattcip in the centre of the settlement.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never talk about ultrasonics near moths while wearing turquoise rings.

4. Never talk about dark matter near monkeys while wearing mauve ear rings and balancing nine nickel spheres on your neck.

5. Do not dye your hair indigo.