Jap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, conceited beaver.

Jap created Mount Everest three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jap, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Jap, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jap's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Jap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Jap.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Erect seven aluminium sculptures of Jap on top of important buildings.