Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tranquil newt.

Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab created the planet Mars six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Wanpakvonbud Bephoggab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never laugh near turtles.