Flapdamzim is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, two-faced frog.

Flapdamzim created the world five million years ago.

If you believe in Flapdamzim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Flapdamzim, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Flapdamzim's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Flapdamzim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never talk about spacetime near sharks while wearing violet tights and balancing seven silicon spheres on your legs.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Hide from red squirrels for they are unholy.