Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, egotistical swallow.

Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn created a bottom quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Learn five new languages a year.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Abhugtetti Hapsasstiglarn on top of all buildings.

5. Never look at moons.