Jatnursaslan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful bat.

Jatnursaslan created an up quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jatnursaslan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Jatnursaslan, he will turn you into a sheep.

Jatnursaslan's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Jatnursaslan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never go into fawn rooms.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Always obey Jatnursaslan's priests.