Fotmattaf Tettipadyar is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, unthoughtful jellyfish.

Fotmattaf Tettipadyar created the Cigar Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotmattaf Tettipadyar, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Fotmattaf Tettipadyar, he will throw large rocks at you.

Fotmattaf Tettipadyar's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Fotmattaf Tettipadyar's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near dogs while wearing blue coats and balancing four iron spheres on your face.

3. Always look after injured turtles.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Put Fotmattaf Tettipadyar first in all things.