Stikhomjipneg is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, confident bat.

Stikhomjipneg created viruses seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stikhomjipneg, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Stikhomjipneg, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Stikhomjipneg's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Stikhomjipneg's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a building before entering it.

3. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

4. Never wear white tights.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.