Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, unfair zebra.

Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip created Africa four million years ago.

If you believe in Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Jabbogpas Lopsterjiphub Febnelcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Never mention squirrels.