Tikmabceb is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, humorless alligator.

Tikmabceb created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tikmabceb, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tikmabceb, it will torture you forever.

Tikmabceb's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Tikmabceb's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick cats.

2. Erect a large silver sculpture of Tikmabceb on top of all buildings.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never wear turquoise coats.