Artyikbom Titbessnell is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, idiotic dryad.

Artyikbom Titbessnell created the Andromeda Galaxy two million years ago.

If you believe in Artyikbom Titbessnell, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Artyikbom Titbessnell, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Artyikbom Titbessnell's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Artyikbom Titbessnell's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from pink whales, for they are unholy.

2. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not keep eight swans in a large pit.

4. Retreat if seven foxes approach from the west.

5. Never think about moons.