Pigmonjan Appfonkin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonest grasshopper.

Pigmonjan Appfonkin created the planet Earth three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pigmonjan Appfonkin, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Pigmonjan Appfonkin, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Pigmonjan Appfonkin's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Pigmonjan Appfonkin's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Pigmonjan Appfonkin.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never hurt shrews.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

5. Feed all hungry horses.