Kindutgat is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, pitiless crab.

Kindutgat created the planet Jupiter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kindutgat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kindutgat, he will turn you into a duck.

Kindutgat's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Kindutgat's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Kindutgat.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.