Hatbarncem is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, unthoughtful wasp.

Hatbarncem created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatbarncem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatbarncem, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hatbarncem's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Hatbarncem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.