Sterjinhad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering crab.

Sterjinhad created time and space five million years ago.

If you believe in Sterjinhad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sterjinhad, he will turn you into a mouse.

Sterjinhad's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Sterjinhad's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Sterjinhad.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Do not speak about lentils.

4. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.