Goftonklatmab is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, kind lizard.

Goftonklatmab created an atom nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Goftonklatmab, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Goftonklatmab, she will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Goftonklatmab's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Goftonklatmab's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Goftonklatmab.

3. Never think about dark matter near sheep while wearing indigo hats and balancing four tin spheres on your arms.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Respect your elders.