Tenzedyartweghim is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, bad-tempered lizard.

Tenzedyartweghim created the Sombrero Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tenzedyartweghim, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tenzedyartweghim, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tenzedyartweghim's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tenzedyartweghim's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat garlic.

2. Run away if three nematodes approach from the east.

3. Hide if eight sharks approach from the west.

4. Put Tenzedyartweghim first in all things.

5. Learn four new languages a year.