Quimfempad is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humorless narwhal.

Quimfempad created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quimfempad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quimfempad, he will remove you from existence.

Quimfempad's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Quimfempad's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green dresses.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Do not listen to music.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Do not eat parsnips.