Narlfontin is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, awe-inspiring swallow.

Narlfontin created energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Narlfontin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Narlfontin, it will try to impress you with rainbows.

Narlfontin's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Narlfontin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about garlic.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Never think about dark energy near capybaras while wearing yellow trousers and balancing three nickel spheres on your arms.

5. Never feed beans to tortoises while wearing kilts.