Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, selfish crocodile.

Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib created vertebrates nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Artxuckqueeg Jarnnabdib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never talk about eukaryotes.