Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, overgenerous manatee.

Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon created a Higgs boson two years ago.

If you believe in Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon, he will turn you into a hamster.

Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Stragmonhap Cettigbarn Nullfudfon's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five mites approach from the south.

2. Run away from pink voles, for they are unholy.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about gravity near moths while wearing cyan ear rings.

5. Do not shave your neck.