Tarpsandtarg is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, merciless cow.

Tarpsandtarg created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpsandtarg, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tarpsandtarg, he will cry a lot.

Tarpsandtarg's most sacred site is Pedraza in Spain.

Tarpsandtarg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never mention ducks.