Basstaillid is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, thoughtless lobster.

Basstaillid created silver two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Basstaillid, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Basstaillid, it will turn you into a rock.

Basstaillid's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Basstaillid's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Basstaillid must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics.