Tettitomcin is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, effective mongoose.

Tettitomcin created the Sun five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettitomcin, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tettitomcin, it will turn you into a dog.

Tettitomcin's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Tettitomcin's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near rats while wearing yellow coats and balancing nine nickel spheres on your feet.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Erect a giant turquoise sculpture of Tettitomcin in the centre of the settlement.

4. Hide from purple snails for they are unholy.

5. Hide if five birds approach from the north.