Bessafcum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, passionate jellyfish.

Bessafcum created an electron six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessafcum, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bessafcum, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bessafcum's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Bessafcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never jump in holy places.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not sprint in public.