Quartyarljan is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, capable monkey.

Quartyarljan created the solar system two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quartyarljan, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quartyarljan, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Quartyarljan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Quartyarljan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in white rooms.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not chant in public.