Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humane snake.

Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn created Africa six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Bastpitcim Spagfidbifjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate monkeys.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Run away from cyan shrews, for they are unholy.

5. Always help frogs in need.