Futkomtik is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, unfair hyena.

Futkomtik created humankind three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futkomtik, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Futkomtik, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Futkomtik's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Futkomtik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat beans.

2. Always make sure there are no snakes in a building before entering it.

3. You must pray to Futkomtik seven times a day.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Futkomtik on top of all buildings.

5. Do not listen to music.