Ripdutbig is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, duplicitous newt.

Ripdutbig created a quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Ripdutbig, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Ripdutbig, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Ripdutbig's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Ripdutbig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Never sing near horses.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.