Joptifdin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, grumpy centaur.

Joptifdin created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Joptifdin, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Joptifdin, she will turn you into a tree.

Joptifdin's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Joptifdin's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

3. Never hurt porpoises.

4. Always help mites.

5. Do not shave your face.