Jarngan is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, idiotic grasshopper.

Jarngan created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jarngan, she will turn you into a rock.

Jarngan's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Jarngan's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not dye your hair purple.