Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, dishonourable porpoise.

Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Lunlarpbut Omtstiggan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy.

2. Do not shave your feet.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.