Damfunkip is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, confident gnu.

Damfunkip created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Damfunkip, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Damfunkip, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Damfunkip's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Damfunkip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Run away if seven squirrels approach from the north.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Damfunkip.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Do not wear blue clothing.