Appbafpak is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, benevolent hare.

Appbafpak created an up quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Appbafpak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Appbafpak, it will boil you in a big pot.

Appbafpak's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Appbafpak's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Appbafpak.

4. Run away from white gulls, for they are unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.