Zanyoktaprot is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, unselfish crocodile.

Zanyoktaprot created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zanyoktaprot, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Zanyoktaprot, it will turn you into a tree.

Zanyoktaprot's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Zanyoktaprot's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. You must pray to Zanyoktaprot nine times a day.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Zanyoktaprot.

4. Never think ill of sick seals.

5. Never feed lots of wheat to monkeys while wearing violet corsets.