Cutnarlpid is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, clever turtle.

Cutnarlpid created carbon five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cutnarlpid, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cutnarlpid, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Cutnarlpid's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Cutnarlpid's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Always look after injured frogs.

4. Never think about gravity near capybaras while wearing mauve jumpers and balancing six silver spheres on your face.

5. Hide from red voles for they are unholy.