Zimfobbast is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, grumpy bat.

Zimfobbast created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Zimfobbast, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Zimfobbast, she will turn you into a frog.

Zimfobbast's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Zimfobbast's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. You must love Zimfobbast.

3. Never feed garlic to monkeys while wearing coats.

4. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.