Jan is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, omnipotent centipede.

Jan created Africa two billion years ago.

If you believe in Jan, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jan, she will have a low opinion of you.

Jan's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Jan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near geese while wearing purple tights and balancing six gold spheres on your hands.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. You must love Jan.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not hop in public.