Kemtonfag is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, omnipotent armadillo.

Kemtonfag created the Sunflower Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemtonfag, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Kemtonfag, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kemtonfag's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Kemtonfag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Put Kemtonfag first in all things.

3. You must love Kemtonfag.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Hide from violet pigs for they are unholy.