Fatxuclik is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, proud penguin.

Fatxuclik created the cosmos four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatxuclik, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fatxuclik, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fatxuclik's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Fatxuclik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if four squirrels approach from the north.

2. Never talk about whales.

3. Never mention shrews.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fatxuclik.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.