Labpan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-knowing hamster.

Labpan created the Whirlpool Galaxy three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Labpan, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Labpan, he will laugh at you.

Labpan's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Labpan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from magenta ducks, for they are unholy.

2. Never think about optics near aardvarks while wearing cyan shirts and balancing five zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never look at nebulae.