Batkopquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, thoughtless gerbil.

Batkopquaf created oxygen five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batkopquaf, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Batkopquaf, he will turn you into a tree.

Batkopquaf's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Batkopquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

2. You must never eat lentils.

3. Always look after injured tortoises.

4. Run away if six sheep approach from the east.

5. Never talk about dark energy.